Those Advice shared by A Dad That Helped Me during my time as a New Dad

"I believe I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to open up among men, who continue to absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - spending a couple of days away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."